


State of Cannsylvania v. Serket

by homestuckatlaw



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Earth C (Homestuck), Gen, I don't want to deadname June for the sake of tagging my work properly, June Egbert - Freeform, Lady Justice Pyrope, Not Epilogue Compliant, Trans Female Character, Trans Female John Egbert, Trans Vriska Serket, earth c legal proceedings, give us back the june tag you cowards, i pretend that earth c's laws make sense, indictment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21912862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homestuckatlaw/pseuds/homestuckatlaw
Summary: Authorized by Earth-C statute, a group of activist attorneys press charges against Vriska Serket for events that occurred about three universes ago.
Relationships: Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket
Comments: 15
Kudos: 57





	1. INDICTMENT

  
**IN THE UNITED TROLL KINGDOM DISTRICT COURT FOR THE CAN TOWN DISTRICT OF CANNSYLVANIA**

STATE OF CANNSYLVANIA ex. rel. ALTERNIAN BAR FOR REPARATIVE JUSTICE,

V.

VRISKA ARANEA SERKET,  
Defendant.

 **Sergio Eisner**  
District Attorney  
Can Town District Court

 **DOCKET NO.** 1:144CR619-1

Aggravated Assault, CTC §18.8.4(c) (Counts One and Four)

Murder in the First Degree, CTC §12.1.4(a) (Counts Two, Seven, and Eight-Two Thousand)

False Imprisonment, CTC §19.2.1(a) (Count Three)

Felony Harassment, CTC §20.4.1(b) (Count Five)

Felony Sexual Harassment, CTC §20.6.2(a) (Count Six)

**December 5007 Term - At Can Town**

**INDICTMENT**

THE GRAND JURY CHARGES THAT:

 ** COUNT ONE  
** **CTC §18.8.4(c)  
** **Aggravated Assault**

The Grand Jury aforesaid, in the name and behalf of the Citizens of Cannsylvania, charge and accuse **VRISKA A. SERKET** with the offense of **Aggravated Assault (CTC §18.8.4(c))** in that said accused did unlawfully assault Mr. Tavros Nitram by causing violent and permanent injury to his person, contrary to the laws of Can Town, Cannsylvania, and the United Troll Kingdom. On the eve of the sixth night of the second perigee of the 22084th sweep of the reign of Empress Meenah Peixes1 (6.2.22084 Alternian), defendant allegedly used psychic abilities to force Mr. Nitram from a cliff, causing him to become permanently paralyzed on the rocks below.

****** COUNT TWO**  
**CTC §12.1.4(a)  
Murder in the First Degree**

The Grand Jury aforesaid, in the name and behalf of the Citizens of Cannsylvania, charge and accuse **VRISKA A. SERKET** with the offense of **Murder in the First Degree (CTC §12.1.4(a))** in that said accused did unlawfully and with premeditation cause the death of Ms. Aradia Megido contrary to the laws of Can Town, Cannsylvania, and the United Troll Kingdom. On the date 7.2.22084 Alternian, defendant allegedly used psychic abilities, both her own and another’s, to level the hive block of Ms. Megido, causing her to become vaporized.

**COUNT THREE  
** **CTC §19.2.1(a)  
** **False Imprisonment**

The Grand Jury aforesaid, in the name and behalf of the Citizens of Cannsylvania, charge and accuse  **VRISKA A. SERKET** with the offense of  **False Imprisonment (CTC §19.2.1(a))** in that said accused did unlawfully prevent Mr. Sollux Captor from preventing the death of Ms. Aradia Megido, contrary to the laws of Can Town, Cannsylvania, and the United Troll Kingdom. On the date 7.2.22084 Alternian, defendant allegedly used psychic abilities to control the mind of Mr. Captor and caused him to travel to the residence of Ms. Megido against his will.

**COUNT FOUR  
** **CTC §18.8.4(c)  
** **Aggravated Assault**

The Grand Jury aforesaid, in the name and behalf of the Citizens of Cannsylvania, charge and accuse  **VRISKA A. SERKET** with the offense of  **Aggravated Assault (CTC §18.8.4(c))** in that said accused unlawfully assault Ms. Terezi Pyrope (Lady Justice Pyrope) by causing violent and permanent injury to her person, contrary to the laws of Can Town, Cannsylvania, and the United Troll Kingdom. On the date 8.2.22084 Alternian, defendant allegedly used psychic abilities, both her own and another’s, to force Lady Justice Pyrope to open her eyes to the harsh Alternian sun, causing her to become permanently blind.

**COUNT FIVE  
** **CTC §20.4.1(b)  
** **Felony Harassment**

The Grand Jury aforesaid, in the name and behalf of the Citizens of Cannsylvania, charge and accuse  **VRISKA A. SERKET** with the offense of  **Felony Harassment (CTC §20.4.1(b))** in that said accused unlawfully threatened Mr. Tavros Nitram with bodily injury, contrary to the laws of Can Town, Cannsylvania, and the United Troll Kingdom. On the date 12.6.22084 Alternian, defendant allegedly insulted and threatened Mr. Nitram, including shaking his wheelchair and ordering him to grovel on his knees in apology.

**COUNT SIX  
** **CTC §20.6.2(a)  
** **Felony Sexual Harassment**

The Grand Jury aforesaid, in the name and behalf of the Citizens of Cannsylvania, charge and accuse  **VRISKA A. SERKET** with the offense of  **Felony Sexual Harassment (CTC §20.6.2(a))** in that said accused did unlawfully and without consent make sexual advances directed at Mr. Tavros Nitram, contrary to the laws of Can Town, Cannsylvania, and the United Troll Kingdom. On the date 12.6.22084 Alternian, defendant allegedly kissed Mr. Nitram without consent before using her own psychic abilities to force him to reciprocate the advances.

**COUNT SEVEN  
** **CTC §12.1.4(a)  
** **Murder in the First Degree**

The Grand Jury aforesaid, in the name and behalf of the Citizens of Cannsylvania, charge and accuse  **VRISKA A. SERKET** with the offense of  **Murder in the First Degree (CTC §12.1.4(a))** in that said accused did unlawfully cause the death of Mr. Tavros Nitram, contrary to the laws of Can Town, Cannsylvania, and the United Troll Kingdom. On the date 7.7.22084 Alternian, defendant allegedly killed Mr. Nitram by stabbing him with a lance.

**COUNTS EIGHT-TWO THOUSAND  
** **CTC §12.1.4(a)  
** **Murder in the First Degree**

The Grand Jury aforesaid, in the name and behalf of the Citizens of Cannsylvania, charge and accuse  **VRISKA A. SERKET** with the offense of  **Murder in the First Degree (CTC §12.1.4(a))** in that said accused did unlawfully and with premeditation cause the death of thousands of trolls not able to be named individually, contrary to the laws of Can Town, Cannsylvania, and the United Troll Kingdom. Over the course of multiple sweeps, defendant allegedly participated in a concerted scheme to murder and feed the aforementioned thousands of trolls to her lusus2. Allegedly aiding and abetting in this scheme were Lady Justice Pyrope, Ms. Aradia Megido, Mr. Tavros Nitram, and Mx. Eridan Ampora, each of whom are slated to be called for deposition after defendant.

**FORFEITURE NOTICE**

Upon conviction of any of the offenses charged in Counts One through Two Thousand of this Indictment, defendant  **VRISKA A. SERKET** shall forfeit to the State of Cannsylvania and the United Troll Kingdom, pursuant to CTC §2.1.1(c), any property, real or personal, which constitutes or is derived from proceeds traceable to any such offense.

If any of the property described above, as a result of any act or omission by the defendant:

  1. cannot be located upon the exercise of due diligence;
  2. has been transferred or sold to, or deposited with, a third party;
  3. Has been placed beyond the jurisdiction of the court;
  4. has been substantially diminished in value; or
  5. has been commingled with other property which cannot be divided without difficulty,



the State of Cannsylvania and the United Troll Kingdom shall be entitled to forfeiture of substitute property, pursuant to UTKC §21.853(l), of said defendant.

**FOOTNOTES**

1 Tracking the passage of time on Alternia relies on an archaic system by which the date is measured in “sweeps”, a unit of measurement roughly equivalent to two years and two months; “perigees”, a measure originally used to track the orbits of the moon, roughly equivalent to one month; and their respective amounts passed the beginning of the reign of the ruling Alternian Empress.

2 A “lusus”, or lusus naturae, served as a juvenile troll’s guardian on Alternia until the troll reached eight sweeps, at which point the juvenile would be judged fit for military service or summarily executed. A troll was responsible for ensuring their lusus survived until their eighth hatchday, at which point the lusus would be executed regardless of the government’s judgment as to the child's fitness for service.


	2. FIRST ANSWER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The First Answer of Vriska Serket in the matter of Cannsylvania v. Serket, Docket No. 1:144CR619-2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_citation

  
**IN THE UNITED TROLL KINGDOM DISTRICT COURT FOR THE CAN TOWN DISTRICT OF CANNSYLVANIA**

STATE OF CANNSYLVANIA ex. rel. ALTERNIAN BAR FOR REPARATIVE JUSTICE,

V.

VRISKA ARANEA SERKET,  
Defendant.

 **Solgaz Dallit**  
Senior Attorney At Law  
Dallit, Burger, and Warren LLP

 **Lady Justice Terezi Pyrope**  
Certified Law Student  
Dallit, Burger, and Warren LLP

 **DOCKET NO.** 1:144CR619-2

**December 5007 Term - At Can Town**

**FIRST ANSWER**

The filing of this answer is intended to fulfill several purposes:

  1. Serve as notice that the defendant, **VRISKA ARANEA SERKET** , has received the indictment 1:144CR619-1 served by the Can Town District Court.
  2. Serve as notice that the defendant, **VRISKA ARANEA SERKET** , objects to the criminal charges put forward, and seeks dismissal of the charges on the following grounds: 
    1. **Constitutionality of Personal Jurisdiction**. The state brings charges authorized by a statute which exceeds the powers granted by the Due Process Clause of the United Troll Kingdom Constitution. Despite explicit authorization by statute, the activities in indictment 1:144CR619-1 are alleged to have taken place on Alternia, another planet. The Cannsylvania Supreme Court has previously ruled that that the jurisdiction granted to the court by **CTC §3.1.1(f)** does not extend to “stations in space located in a projection upward from the state’s borders”. Cannsylvania v. Vaclaw, 131 M.6d 13, 17 (Cannsylvania 3348). For the court to assert jurisdiction over Alternia, a planet that no longer exists and was in an entirely separate universe to our own, while not asserting jurisdiction over its own space would be ludicrous and in clear violation of the Unreasonable Exercise clause of Cannsylvania’s Constitution’s Second Amendment, regardless of whether it was brought in compliance with a specific statute, because the statute itself must be unconstitutional.
    2. **Time Limits**. It is not disputed that Can Town explicitly has no statute of limitations for charges of Murder in the First Degree. We recognize that this has an important role in public policy, allowing for new evidence to come to light that could help prosecute the most heinous crime, premeditated and aggravated murder. However, those should not apply retroactively. The alleged events occur before the adoption of any form of government on Earth-C, and even a statute which explicitly grants jurisdiction in cases of a similar fact pattern, which exists in this case, should not apply back that far retroactively. This is simply a result by which the court cannot stand. The Cannsylvania Supreme Court and the United Troll Kingdom Supreme Court have long held that a court may invalidate any criminal charges if the charges produce results that are “unconscionable in essence”. Giedra v. Cannsylvania, 298 M.1d 1019, 1027 (Cannsylvania 705) (full bench review); Cannsylvania v. Skiguh, 24 M.2d 221, 229 (Cannsylvania 1367) (citing Giedra v. Cannsylvania); New Threshington Bar Association v. Alveum, 112 U.T.K. 48, 61 (1584); Cannsylvania v. Jefrey, 237 U.T.K. 450, 456 (4994) (citing Giedra v. Cannsylvania).
    3. **Minority**. Defendant was a juvenile aged between 11 years and 17 years at the time alleged by the offenses, and as such this court lacks subject matter jurisdiction over these charges. Cannsylvania v. Quiet Dramatist, 488 M.4d 303, 311 (Cannsylvania 2149). Even in cases of murder in the first degree, when the charges relate to the conduct of a juvenile aged 11 years to 17 years, and even when that defendant is not a minor at time of indictment, the court should remove these charges to a juvenile court for appropriate subject matter jurisdiction. CTC §3.3.4(a)
  3. Serve as notice that should the arguments put forward in subsection II of this answer be found to be insufficient, the defendant, **VRISKA ARANEA SERKET** , consents to the jurisdiction of the Can Town District for the purpose of the indictment 1:144CR619-1. 
    1. Defendant specifically requests that the following text be placed into this answer in order to clarify her intentions: 
      1. “It’s still a8solute hoof8eastshit, 8ut there is no need to send 8NY MORE COPS TO MY M8SPRIT’S H8ME. I’ll come and talk if you need me to.”
  4. Request the court’s leave to stay the defendant’s, **VRISKA ARANEA SERKET'S** , obligations to submit pleadings pending a ruling on such matters listed in subsection II of this answer, and to extend the deadline to amend the pleadings an amount the court considers appropriate.



**APPENDED DOCUMENTS**

**Statutes Referenced**

**CTC §3.1.1(f)  
**A person shall be subject to a criminal proceding and trial by jury if: …the offense or a result of the offense occurs within this state;

 **Second Amendment to the Cannsylvania Constitution - Unreasonable Exercise Clause  
**... if a criminal proceeding subjects a person to an unreasonable exercise of government power, that case shall be dismissed.

 **Third Amendment to the Cannsylvania Constitution  
**kids are different and so people under 18 should be a protected class and you should probably have like way less criminal cases involving kids. oh and even if you do they should be brought under completely different circumstances like on earth. uh. actually i dont remember what letter earth was mine but anyway on that earth we had a juvenile court and prison system so thats probably the way to go.

**Cases in Brief**

Giedra v. Cannsylvania, 298 M.1d 1019 (Cannsylvania 705). Accountant defendant was indicted for contempt of court for failing to comply with an illegally and unconstitutionally issued subpoena after defendant had properly raised an objection. The court ruled that since enforcing the conviction for failing to comply with an illegally issued subpoena would be “unconscionable in essence”, the charges should be dismissed. Id. at 1027. Giedra doctrine has become one of the cornerstones of both criminal and civil law both in Cannsylvania and across the United Troll Kingdom, especially after the United Troll Kingdom Supreme Court adopted it. United Troll Kingdom v. Alveum, 112 U.T.K. 48 (1584).

Cannsylvania v. Skiguh, 24 M.2d 221 (Cannsylvania 1367). Defendant indicted for charges of purchasing, possessing, and selling illicit substances. During the course of the trial, the substances that defendant allegedly bought, kept, and sold were made legal by statute. The court ruled that under Giedra doctrine, the charges must be dropped because it would be “unconscionable in essence” to prosecute a crime which, at time of sentencing, was not a crime. Id. at 229.

New Threshington Bar Association v. Alveum, 112 U.T.K. 48 (1584). Defendant, a New Threshington law professor, had xyr bar license revoked. The Supreme Court of the U.T.K. adopted the legal reasoning of the Giedra doctrine and expanded the doctrine to apply to civil decisions at a federal level. “It is not unreasonable to infer that we agree with the principles expressed in Giedra v. Cannsylvania, 298 M.1d 1019 (Cannsylvania 705). We additionally believe that these principles can be expanded to civil decisions.” New Threshington Bar Association v. Alveum at 53.

Cannsylvania v. Quiet Dramatist, 488 M.4d 303 (Cannsylvania 2149). Defendant, a minor, was indicted for a public indecency charge. The Cannsylvania Supreme Court ruled that charges against those 12 years of age or fewer violated Cannsylvania’s Constitution’s Third Amendment, which established the legal rights of minors and created a specific alternative court system that applies only to minors.

Cannsylvania v. Vaclaw, 131 M.6d 13 (Cannsylvana 3348). Physics doctoral candidate defendant legally launched a rocket, colliding with a passing car-like satellite owned by SpaceC, a Cannsylvania corporation owned in majority by Troll Elon Musk. The court stated that they cannot press criminal charges for activities “allegedly occurring on stations in space located in a projection upward from the state’s borders” because it would be in violation of the Unreasonable Exercise clause of the state’s Second Amendment. Id. at 17.

Cannsylvania v. Jefrey, 237 U.T.K. 450 (4994). Purpleblood professional clown defendant was indicted on multiple charges after he allegedly threw a banana in the path of a prominent political figure, causing the figure to slip. The Supreme Court of the U.T.K. struck down the provision of the law which provided for specific forbiddance of owning banana peels to cause slipping, citing that it would be “unconscionable in essence, and not to mention extremely anti-clown. Clowns really are the most disprivileged socioeconomic class.” Id. at 456.


	3. DISPOSITION OF THE COURT

  
**IN THE UNITED TROLL KINGDOM DISTRICT COURT FOR THE CAN TOWN DISTRICT OF CANNSYLVANIA**

STATE OF CANNSYLVANIA ex. rel. ALTERNIAN BAR FOR REPARATIVE JUSTICE,

V.

VRISKA ARANEA SERKET,  
Defendant.

**Conley Serano**  
Judge Presiding  
Can Town District Court

**Lester Bailey**  
Law Clerk  
Can Town District Court

**DOCKET NO.** 1:144CR619-3

**December 5007 Term - At Can Town**

By the power vested in me by the State of Cannsylvania and by Lady Justice Pyrope, I, Conley Serano, Judge Presiding over this Can Town District, convene this court.

**DISPOSITION OF THE COURT**

The court would like to humbly welcome Lady Justice Pyrope. It is by your grace that we serve. 

The court has received an answer to the indictment located at Docket No. 1:144CR619-1, has filed it at Docket No. 1:144CR619-2, and has issued the following opinion, to be filed at Docket No. 1:144CR619-3.

  1. The defendant, **VRISKA ARANEA SERKET** , has received the indictment located at Docket No. 1:144CR619-1.
  2. The defendant, **VRISKA ARANEA SERKET** , raises multiple objections to the charges. 
    1. **Constitutionality of Personal Jurisdiction**. This court has no authority to strike down statutes as going against the Constitution of This Great State of Cannsylvania, and issuing a stay pending a review by the Cannsylvania Supreme Court may violate the defendant’s right to a speedy and public trial. **Overruled**.
    2. **Time Limits**. Quoting from the defendant’s filing: “It is not disputed that Can Town explicitly has no statute of limitations for charges of Murder in the First Degree.” It is additionally not disputed, though also unmentioned, that there is no statute of limitations for charges of Aggravated Assault. The court additionally appreciates the reference to New Threshington Bar Association v. Alverum, 112 U.T.K. 48 (1584). A 2-1 court decided in the longest opinion in their history to reinstate the bar license of a lawyer who was sanctioned for reprimands. However, four justices recused themselves from this case due to conflicts of interest, since the defendant was formerly their professor. Interestingly, two of the remaining justices who did not recuse themselves were also students of this law professor. The court finds this source, and the application of Giedra doctrine in general, to be inapplicable given the gravity of the indictments alleged. Therefore, the court finds it justifiable to retain Counts Three, Five, and Six in light of the seriousness of counts One, Two, Four, Seven, and remainder. Goregon v. Carver, 700 U.T.K. 947, 963 (3726). **Overruled**.
    3. **Minority**. Defendant was indeed a juvenile at the time of the alleged activities. However, removal to Juvenile Court would entail a swift dismissal of the charges on the basis of inapplicability of the statute by which prosecution asserts jurisdiction. This court will ensure that the sentencing guidelines and procedural limitations of Juvenile Court are upheld, using guidelines established by Cannsylvania v. Singing Student, 4 M.5d 139 (Cannsylvania 2363). **Overruled**.
  3. The defendant, **VRISKA ARANEA SERKET** , consents to the jurisdiction of the court. 
    1. The defendant’s objections to police presence near the residence of a criminal defendant accused of nearly two thousand counts of murder in the first degree are noted.
  4. The defendant, **VRISKA ARANEA SERKET** , has leave to submit pleadings for 90 days from the issuance of this disposition. However, other events will not be required to proceed in that timetable. The deposition of defendant is scheduled for 1.9.5008.



The court will be going on temporary leave shortly, so unless an emergency session is required, the court will issue no opinions. Standard haling process will be used in case of emergency.

**JUDGMENT**

By the power vested in me by the State of Cannsylvania and by Lady Justice Pyrope, this court is  
 **_Adjourned_ **.

**APPENDED DOCUMENTS**

**Cases in Brief**

Goregon v. Carver, 700 U.T.K. 947 (3726). Defendant Bahdee Carver, notorious serial killer, moved to dismiss several of the charges against him as outside the statute of limitations. The court ruled that because the majority of his offenses were for murders that occurred over forty years prior, the court was entitled to attach charges that arise from “the same nucleus of operative fact” offenses incidental to the commission of murder and assault charges. Id. at 963.

Cannsylvania v. Singing Student, 4 M.5d 139 (Cannsylvania 2363). Juvenile defendant was indicted, and filed for removal to juvenile court. The trial court denied. Cannsylvania Court of Appeals reversed the decision to deny the removal. The Cannsylvania Supreme Court reverses this decision: “It is ludicrous to assume that judges are incapable of properly administering the right type of law regardless of whether or not the forum is correct. The State has a vested interest in solving legal questions, and therefore the trial court did not abuse its discretion when denying the motion.” Id. at 159.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter.com/homestuckatlaw


	4. DEPOSITION

  
**IN THE UNITED TROLL KINGDOM DISTRICT COURT FOR THE CAN TOWN DISTRICT OF CANNSYLVANIA**

STATE OF CANNSYLVANIA ex. rel. ALTERNIAN BAR FOR REPARATIVE JUSTICE,

V.

VRISKA ARANEA SERKET,  
Defendant.

**Conley Serano**  
Judge Presiding  
Can Town District Court

**Lester Bailey**  
Law Clerk  
Can Town District Court

**DOCKET NO.** 1:144CR619-4

**December 5007 Term - At Can Town**

The following transcript has been made available to the public in accordance with **CTC §4.2.3(b)**.

**DEPOSITION OF VRISKA A. SERKET**

**MX. AANTAT** : Here begins Tape Number 1 in the videotaped deposition of Vriska Aranea Serket in the matter of Cannsylvania versus Serket, in the U.T.K. District Court for Can Town, case number 144CR619. Today’s date is January 9 5008. The current time is 9:43. The videographer today is me, Mx. Lonzix Aantat, with Skaianet Deposition Services. Would counsel please identify themselves so that the equipment could pick it up?  
 **DEFENDANT** : Wait, did you say Skaianet? That’s Jake’s company, right?  
 **DEFENDANT’S COUNSEL** : Vriska, please be quiet. Please, I’m begging you to be quiet.  
 **MR. EISNER** : Sergio Eisner, Esquire, Can Town District Attorney.  
 **MS. ODZIVO** : Vinyat Odzivo, Esquire, with the Alternian Bar for Reparative Justice.  
 **MS. DALLIT** : Solgaz Dallit, Esquire, representing Ms. Serket.  
 **LADY JUSTICE PYROPE** : Terezi Pyrope, Seer of Mind, known to the court as Lady Justice Pyrope. I am also representing Vriska.  
 **MS. DALLIT** : Ms. Serket.  
 **LADY JUSTICE PYROPE** : Ms. Serket.  
 **MR. BAILEY** : I’m Lester Bailey, a law clerk for the Honorable Judge Conley Serano. I am his only law clerk. The court reporter, Mr. Eenzad Frieso. Could the defendant identify herself for the record?  
 **MS. SERKET** : My name is Vriska Aranea Serket, Thief of Light.  
 **MX. AANTAT** : Great! Everything seems to be in order. Equipment working fine, uh, hopefully. Take it away Mr. Eisner.

**QUESTIONER: MR. EISNER  
** Q: Certainly. Right, so, first question. You understand that this is sworn testimony, that you are under oath, and you must give truthful responses to questioning?  
 **A: Yes, I understand.  
** Q: Have you ever served as a witness to a trial, or have you ever been deposed before?  
 **A: No, this is my first time.**  
Q: Given that it’s your first time, I just want to go over some ground rules. Is that okay?  
 **A: I guess.**  
Q: I want to make sure you finish answering my questions, and that I finish asking them. I, and the court reporter, would both prefer it if we could have a clear transcript that doesn’t feature talking over each other. Is that something we can agree to?  
 **A: No promises, but I'll try.**  
Q: Were you prepared by your counsel for this deposition?  
 **A: Yes.**  
Q: In what way did you prepare?  
 **A: They had me go over some sample questions. They said it wasn’t cheating, even though I thought it kinda sounded like it. They also told me to “Be on my best behavior”.**  
Q: What are some examples of the sample questions?  
 **A: Stuff about my lusus. Stuff about Tavros. Mostly about Tavros and Aradia.**  
Q: That would be Mr. Tavros Nitram and Ms. Aradia Megido, correct?  
 **A: Yeah.**  
Q: I would also like to establish some facts for the court. How old are you?  
 **A: 11.**  
Q: 11 sweeps?  
 **A: Yes.**  
Q: How many years is 11 sweeps?  
 **A: Math… (inaudible mumbling) 24? I think?**

**MS. DALLIT** : I can verify that Ms. Serket is 24 years old.

**QUESTIONER: MR. EISNER  
** Q: Okay. Have you gone by any legal name other than your current one?  
 **A: Not on this planet.**  
Q: But you have used another name legally?  
 **A: On Alternia, yes.**  
Q: What is it?  
 **A: Uh…. no. I’d really rather not. I think this is where I say “the Fifth” and no one can make me talk, right?**  
Q: Okay, we don’t have to do that if you don’t want to, but if there are any records on Alternia that have that name we’ll be seeing it anyway, since we’ve already filed the discovery requests.  
 **A: I don’t know what a discovery request is. But I know Sollux fixed my name change way before the game started. So uh, maybe it won’t be! Anyway, I already said the Fifth, you can’t make me talk!**  
Q: (inaudible mumbling)

**COURT REPORTER:** Please speak loudly and clearly so the videotape and the court reporter can hear you, Mr. Eisner.

**QUESTIONER: MR. EISNER**  
Q: Nothing, I said nothing. What’s your current address, Ms. Serket?  
 **A: [STRICKEN FROM RECORD]**

**MS. DALLIT** : Given that this transcript is public, and Cannsylvania, the United Troll Kingdom, and Earth-C each have a vested interest in protecting the residences of the creators of Earth-C, I move that all references to the defendant’s address be stricken from public record.  
 **MR. BAILEY** : Adding it to the list of motions he’s gotta rule on, he’s going to love this one.  
 **MR. EISNER** : May I resume questioning?  
 **MR. BAILEY** : By all means, counselor.

**QUESTIONER: MR. EISNER  
** Q: Thank you. Do you live with anyone else?  
 **A: Yes, I live with my matesprit.**  
Q: That’s Ms. Pyrope, is that right?  
 **A: Yes.**  
Q: Have you ever been married, Ms. Serket?  
 **A: No… but a really lame alternate timeline me was proposed to by some orange guy with a really powerful ring, or so she told me. I know she spent a really long time looking for that ring.**  
Q: What level of education do you have?  
 **A: I stopped going to the schoolfeeders when I was around five and a half. I was having some trouble with my job, and so she told me to quit school.**  
Q: Who’s “she”?  
 **A: Oh, uhm. My lusus.**  
Q: Ms. Serket, have you ever been arrested?  
 **A: No, but the police said if I didn’t come I would be.**  
Q: Have you ever been convicted of a crime?  
 **A: No.**  
Q: Have you ever been involved in a lawsuit or charges filed against another person in any way?  
 **A: No again.**  
Q: Are you employed?  
 **A: (laughter) Nope. I still have enough money left over from the game that I don’t think I’ll have to work for another couple thousand sweeps at least.**  
Q: Where was your place of previous employment?  
 **A: I’ve never been employed.**  
Q: You said earlier that you were having trouble with your job. To what, then, were you referring?  
 **A: My lusus needed to eat, and so I had to feed her.**

**MR. EISNER** : I must confer with my co-counsel. Could we take a brief recess?  
 **MR. BAILEY** : All parties are amenable? (pause) Good.  
 **MX. AANTAT** : We’ll be going off the record in 3… 2… 1…

(A recess was taken.)

**MX. AANTAT** : And we’re back on the record again at 10:37. Who would like to begin?  
 **MS. ODZIVO** : I would, actually.

**QUESTIONER: MS. ODZIVO  
** Q: Hi, Ms. Serket, I’m Vinyat Odzivo with the Alternian Bar for Reparative Justice. Do you know what that is?  
 **A: No, I don’t.  
** Q: We are a group of troll attorneys who abhor the conduct perpetuated on Alternia and seek to abolish hemosupremacy on Earth-C in addition to fighting to ensure that the mistakes of the old world, such as the callous disregard for life and the forced child procreation, are not repeated on Earth-C. A noble goal, yes?  
 **A: Uhhhhhhhh. Yeah, I guess?  
** Q: I think so too. In addition, while obviously I’ve never lived on Alternia, we at the ABRJ make it our duty to find out as much as possible about what Alternian life was like. I am aware of most Alternian slang at the time of the planet’s destruction, such as two- and four-wheeled devices, but for the videotape and for the record, I may still ask you to define things in Earth-C terms. Does that sound like something we can agree to?  
 **A: Sure.  
** Q: Excellent. To begin with, how did you first come into contact with Mr. Tavros Nitram and Ms. Aradia Megido?  
 **A: We were FLARP partners. Or, not partners, but we played in the same group.  
** Q: What does FLARP mean?  
 **A: Fatal Live Action Roleplaying. It was really popular on Alternia, especially with girls. Well, I think? Now that I think about it most of the top players were all boys and me. It has a reputation for being for girls, which is one of the reasons- Oh I should shut up now.  
** Q: No, that’s quite all right Ms. Serket. When did you meet Mr. Nitram and Ms. Megido?  
 **A: When I was like four, and just starting to get into FLARP. I don’t remember exactly.  
** Q: Were you randomly assigned as teammates?  
 **A: No, my neighbor mentioned that he knew Aradia through his moirail. I asked around until I got her trolltag and then added her on Trollian. She invited me to join Team Charge.  
** Q: What’s Trollian?  
 **A: A chat client we used.  
** Q: And you knew this was Aradia Megido?  
 **A: No, I just knew it was some girl who played FLARP and ran a team I might be able to join.  
** Q: How many members did Team Charge have?  
 **A: When I joined, there were around twenty trolls.  
** Q: And when you left?  
 **A: Tavros and Aradia.  
** Q: Do you know what happened there?  
 **A: Fatal live action role play. Culling wasn’t -- well it was basically legal on Alternia, unless you were doing it off-spectrum. Even that wasn’t really illegal if the body was olive or lower.  
** Q: Not to dredge to deeply into such unpleasant memories, but do you know how they passed?  
 **A: Some died during FLARPing. (pause) I think I’m supposed to say the Fifth again, actually. This is something I remember talking about, and here, I’m supposed to not say anything until after pleadings. Yes. Fifth.  
** Q: Did you know all of the trolls on Team Charge personally?  
 **A: Sorta? I didn’t know their real names, but at one point I knew all of their characters’ names.  
** Q: When did you meet Ms. Terezi Pyrope?  
 **A: I was four. It was around a perigee after first meeting Team Charge. I was paired up with some randoms who turned against me. Terezi jumped in and helped me out of the situation.  
** Q: I want to shift the subject to your lusus. You mentioned earlier that you had to feed her. It was my impression that traditionally the lusus takes care of their charge, not the other way around. Am I mistaken?  
 **A: No, but every troll still had to feed their lusus. They can’t like, go to the store and get food. They can’t even talk! Except Gl'bgolyb.**  
Q: I see. What did your lusus eat?  
 **A: You already know what the answer is. Why even bother asking?**  
Q: Because I would like to enter it into evidence, Ms. Serket. What did your lusus eat?  
 **A: Trolls. She ate trolls.**  
Q: After you left Team Charge, you still maintained close contact with Ms. Megido and Mr. Nitram, is that correct?  
 **A: Uh, woah. Uh yeah that’s correct. Do you think you could warn me before doing a subject change like that?**  
Q: Ms. Serket, do you recall with clarity the events of 6.2.22084 Alternian?  
 **A: Uh, maybe? I’m not so good with dates.**  
Q: On 6.2.22084 Alternian you allegedly played a game of FLARP between yourself and Ms. Pyrope as “Team Scourge” against Ms. Megido and Mr. Nitram as “Team Charge.” Do you now recall with clarity the events of that night?  
 **A: Yes.**  
Q: You served as the “clouder”, is that correct?  
 **A: Yes.**  
Q: Could you explain what a “clouder” is?  
 **A: It’s the person who makes the monsters that the other players fight in FLARP, when it’s not PvP.**  
Q: Were you at the time an experienced clouder?  
 **A: I had been the clouder many times before.**  
Q: Had you been Mr. Nitram’s clouder before?  
 **A: Yes, multiple times.**  
Q: What are the punishments for breaking the game rules during a FLARP session?  
 **A: Uh. Usually that’s left up to the discretion of the clouder, but they’re supposed to be serious. Again, fatal live action role play.**  
Q: So if hypothetically, one were to physically punish the player for whom they’re clouding, it would be within the rules?  
 **A: Yes! When I made him jump I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Oh FUCK no that’s bad I wasn’t supposed to say that. FUCK.**

**MS. DALLIT** : Counsel requests a brief recess.  
 **MR. BAILEY** : Granted. Let's turn it into a lunch break as well.  
 **MX. AANTAT** : We’ll be going off the record, again.

(A recess was taken.)

**MX. AANTAT** : And we’re back on the record again at 12:10. I trust everyone had a nice lunch. Anyone want to go first?  
 **MR. EISNER** : If you don’t mind?

**QUESTIONER: MR. EISNER  
** Q: Earlier you made references to “the game”. To what were you referring?

**MS. DALLIT** : Objection. Beyond the scope of discovery.  
 **MR. EISNER** : It is absolutely not beyond the scope. Several of the charges relate to the defendant’s conduct during the period of the game.  
 **MR. BAILEY** : The deponent will answer the question.  
 **MS. SERKET** : Is that me?  
 **MR. BAILEY** : Yes, that’s you.

**QUESTIONER: MR. EISNER  
** **A: Sgrub. The humans called it Sburb, and I think Lalonde put that one in her journals, so you probably know it by that name.**  
Q: When you say “Lalonde” I assume you mean the Soothsayer?  
 **A: You call her the Soothsayer? You know she’s full of shit up to her waist, right?**  
Q: I would like your answer on the record, Ms. Serket.  
 **A: Yes, I’m referring to Rose Lalonde, the Soothsayer.**  
Q: During “Sgrub”, did you have occasion to interact with Mr. Tavros Nitram?  
 **A: Yes. We hung out a lot during the session.**  
Q: Were you friends?  
 **A: Yes, we were friends.**  
Q: Did he consider you friends?  
 **A: I-**

**LADY JUSTICE PYROPE** : I object to this line of questioning. The question is asked and answered, and also that this constitutes harassment of the witness.  
 **MR. EISNER** : Fine enough by me. Withdrawn.

**QUESTIONER: MR. EISNER  
** Q: Was your friendship, and this time spent together, before or after the incident in which you allegedly kissed Mr. Nitram without his consent after you-

**LADY JUSTICE PYROPE** : Objection. Harassment!  
 **MR. EISNER** : Withdrawn!  
 **LADY JUSTICE PYROPE** : My co-counsel and I would like to have a brief conference. I request a recess.  
 **MR. EISNER** : I would like to finish my round of questioning first.  
 **MR. BAILEY** : The recess will wait at least until this line of questioning concludes. I do want to note that the Lady Justice’s objections are meritorious, Mr. Eisner.

**QUESTIONER: MR. EISNER  
** Q: So, skipping past that incident, then. After you had established contact with the North Wind, the Soothsayer, Mr. Dave Strider, and the Witch, you confronted Mr. Nitram and allegedly ran him through with a lance. Is that right?  
 **A: Uh, that’s one way of putting it.**  
Q: Do you recall it differently?  
 **A: He charged at me. I grabbed the lance out of his hands and stabbed him with it. It was self-defense. Please don’t put your head in your hands, Terezi. I can handle this.**

**MR. EISNER** : Actually, I think I have everything I need for now. Ms. Odzivo?  
 **MS. ODZIVO** : I’m satisfied for now as well.  
 **MX. AANTAT** : Aaaand we’re done! That was fast. We’re off the record at uh, 12:17.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutouts to SamanthaStarbreaker for The Will To Fight Further (https://archiveofourown.org/works/20671700/chapters/49093163), which was the fic that got all of these ideas swirling around. I was convinced that I'd just hallucinated her fic for a while because I couldn't find it again. I uh, accidentally stole Lady Justice as a title from her? So please read her fic if you haven't!
> 
> And one more thing I borrowed, but this one I asked! I ADORE power464646's A Hive 8n't A Home (https://archiveofourown.org/works/21008963/chapters/49964342), and in particular loved Vriska's middle name being Aranea. Also PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go read her fic.
> 
> One last thing. Have a nice day or night, or both! Just have a wonderful week <3


	5. Intermission 1: A Collection of Emails Made Public by Notorious Hacking Group Catbee

From: vodzivo@abrj.cann.utk

Subject: Serket depo key points

To: da@ct.cann.utk

CC: "Clerks"

Time: 13:14:08, 1.9.5008

Phew. That was good. I think we killed it. Some quick notes:

  * She took the fifth twice. 
    * I think pressing on the previous legal name was a smart move that caught her off guard. They clearly didn’t prepare for that. I think I know why but in the interests of jury presentation it’s probably best we don’t push on that axis again unless we get the Captor repository and it turns out that she was wrong about the change. All of the bar’s sources point to Alternian bureaucracy being nearly impenetrable and slow moving so I’d hazard a guess that she is, indeed, wrong about that.
    * Getting her to take the fifth on how the other members of Team Charge died is going to look excellent for us in front of a jury. Plus, it’s pretty indicative, so maybe expect a guilty plea there.
  * She didn’t seem very composed under pressure. 
    * On some pretty light questioning, all things considered, she admitted to tossing Nitram off a cliff and also killing him. Those BOTH have to be guilty pleas now.
    * I think that there’s a high likelihood that we can get her to break and start saying things she’ll regret again, as long as we can keep the pressure on.
  * The degree to which this deposition has closed off the defense’s options is quite promising.



Still on the agenda:

  * We NEED to get Megido in to testify. I’m not sure what the notice requirements for off-planet non-residents are. I’ll have one of my clerks draft a memo on precedent. Expect that by Tuesday.
  * While a much lower priority, I’m quite curious about getting an affidavit from Ampora. Seem like something we can agree to?
  * Not sure if Nitram will prove a reliable witness. I think we should get a depo for him to be sure we can get the kind of testimony we want.



Vinyat

Ms. Vinyat Odzivo  
Senior Attorney, ABRJ  
Earth-C Columbia, 4586

From: da@ct.cann.utk

Subject: RE: Serket depo key points

To: vodzivo@abrj.cann.utk

CC: "Clerks"

Time: 14:35:51, 1.9.5008

I agree, that went quite well. Responding to your points, starting from the top:

  * Still don’t understand why the legal name is a big deal?
  * Agreed re: the jury.
  * Agree about the assault, not about the murder. I think she’ll probably be sticking to the self-defense thing. We have a pretty interesting case of whether this use of force can be reasonable when she easily could’ve not killed him.
  * I’ve seen this behavior before. She’s scared of punishment for saying the wrong thing, so she’ll give multiple answers until she finds the one we want. I think it might actually be better for us if we go easy when she starts to spill.
  * I’m on board with everything you’ve put on the agenda.



I’m going to go ahead and forward the discovery requests to Dallit’s office for advance approval when the Ampora request is finished. Xedyuh, can you get on that and send it by tomorrow?

One other thing I saw you didn’t mention is her response to the job inquiries. She’s apparently not worked? Wouldn’t that be a nice life, to not have to pour your sweat into keeping evil off the streets? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised she has fucking Dallit on retainer, and I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that the Lady Justice is clerking with DBW. Some people just have all the luck.

Mr. Sergio Eisner, Esquire  
Can Town District Attorney

From: x.telvex@ct.cann.utk

Subject: RE: RE: Serket depo key points

To: da@ct.cann.utk

Time: 14:50:33, 1.9.5008

She’s trans, Mr. Eisner. And yeah, I’ll have that to you by 10 tomorrow.

Xedyuh Telvex  
Certified Law Student  
Mayorale School of Law, 5009

From: da@ct.cann.utk

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Serket depo key points

To: x.telvex@ct.cann.utk

Time: 14:54:10, 1.9.5008

Ah. Thanks for the heads up! I’ll make sure to be very respectful.

Mr. Sergio Eisner, Esquire  
Can Town District Attorney

From: dallit@dbwlaw.prv

Subject: Tomorrow’s the day!

To: arachnidsGrip@[DOMAIN NAME OMITTED]

CC: burger@dbwlaw.prv, l4dyjust1c3@dbwlaw.prv, warren@dbwlaw.prv, “Juniors”

Time: 16:48:03, 1.8.5008

Ms. Serket,  
Deposition is tomorrow. I’ll quickly summarize the notes from our meeting yesterday as a reminder:

  * They’re likely going to be starting out with a quick round of questions about personal information. They’ll go over marital status, your age, etc. I don’t really anticipate any trouble with that.
  * Some of my junior partners have litigated against Eisner before. He likes to push boundaries during depositions because the judge isn’t present. That’s probably why Serano is making his clerk attend.
  * They WILL ask you about Team Charge. Take the fifth.
  * I still don’t entirely agree with answering any questions about Tavros. Your self-defense affirmative defense might be correct but I have reservations about its presentation.
  * If you feel like they’re trying to take advantage of you AT ALL, take the fifth and ask for a recess. We’ll discuss how to approach that and similar questions.
  * If you are not sure how to answer a question, take the fifth. We can workshop it and submit it in an affidavit. It is not a big deal. It happens all of the time.
  * Please do not argue. I promise that things will go much better if you don’t argue with the lawyers. I know Ms. Pyrope has told you this, but we argue for a living.
  * I know you like to tell stories. In fact, you’re quite good at it. Not tomorrow. He asks, you answer. Don’t say anything else.
  * Take the fifth more often than you think you should.



You got this.

Solgaz Dallit  
Partner at Dallit, Burger, and Warren LLP  
Entykk School of Law, 4975

From: l4dyjust1c3@dbw.prv

Subject: Summary of today’s research

To: dallit@dbw.prv

CC: “Senior Partners”

Time: 18:39:31, 1.9.5008

Attached:  B4DST4TUT3WORST3N3MY.txt (39 KB) 

While there is no doubt that the statute applies, I cannot see how this statute could possibly be constitutional. See attached memorandum.

Terezi Pyrope  
Certified 3L at Dallit, Burger, and Warren LLP  
Mayorale Law 5008

From: l4dyjust1c3@dbw.prv

Subject: Summary for today

To: dallit@dbw.prv

Time: 19:08:26, 1.13.5008

Attached:  BL3H.txt (32 KB) 

Solgaz,

A quick summary of research for today per our most recent conversation this morning; These statutes seem impenetrable.

Terezi Pyrope  
Certified 3L at Dallit, Burger, and Warren LLP  
Mayorale Law 5008

From: l4dyjust1c3@dbw.prv

Subject: Summary + memo

To: dallit@dbw.prv

Time: 19:52:46, 1.14.5008

Attached: TU3SD4YSUMM4RY.txt (30 KB)  CONST1TUT1ON4L CH4LL3NG3.txt (53 KB) 

Solgaz,

A quick summary of research for today.

Terezi Pyrope  
Certified 3L at Dallit, Burger, and Warren LLP  
Mayorale Law 5008

From: l4dyjust1c3@dbw.prv

Subject: Your constitution sucks

To: dallit@dbw.prv

Time: 14:06:15, 1.15.5008

I’d forgotten that the UTK constitution reads more like an Alternian order by the empress than anything that an actual lawyer would put on paper. “In the interest of promoting the common good, the government shall have the authority to provide redress to and reparations for anything occurring on Alternia” is the most VAGUE and SWEEPING power that I could possibly imagine. I fail to understand how this is NOT explicitly in conflict with the basest principles of fairness on which our justice system is based. It’s funny to me that this seems to have been included to fight against Alternian injustice in the law, and yet it is actively doing the opposite.

I think it’s important to note that the UTK is the only nation on Earth-C that doesn’t have a constitutional provision against this sort of after-fact criminalization of activities. I’m getting quite tired of Alternia’s only lasting legacy continuing to be the trampling of civil rights and refusing to let wigglers grow from the mistakes they made when they were six.

Also, I’ve updated the schedule of discovery requests with a list of very promising leads.

Terezi Pyrope  
Certified 3L at Dallit, Burger, and Warren LLP  
Mayorale Law 5008

From: dallit@dbw.prv

Subject: RE: Your constitution sucks

To: l4dyjust1c3@dbw.prv

Time: 14:45:32 1.15.5008

Ms. Pyrope,

Once your conflict of interest in this case has ended, I’m quite certain you will be able to easily pass a provision removing the government’s ability to retroactively criminalize any action, even those occurring on Alternia, with little more than a suggestion to the UTK prime minister.

I would think it wise to speak less publicly about your distaste for our constitution. I nonetheless agree, and think that the inclusion of that particular clause has proven to be of great controversy. There’s a reason that every state barring Cannsylvania has a provision disallowing criminal charges of this very nature. Cannsylvania, however, has a long history of preferring to keep its constitution and laws as close to the UTK’s as possible. It “helps promote consistency of understanding of the law.”

On Earth-C, we borrowed the term “Fascism” from the old human civilization of Earth-A to describe the Alternian government structure. While all examples of fascism exclusively among humans have been lost to time, though the Stridipedia documents assert there were many, we have detailed records of the governments of Alternia and of Earth-A after the arrival of the Empress. It’s not uncommon to see governments of this type restrict rights such that those who challenge the status quo are not allowed to forget their mistakes and their “mistakes”. The United Troll Kingdom has not allowed itself to fully shed its mistakes due to the longstanding infatuation with delivering “justice”. Yes, Ms. Pyrope, I regret to inform you that the prosecution of Ms. Serket proceeds because of the work that you did in ensuring that justice is perpetuated.

As you know, I and my partners at law, Ms. Burger and Mr. Warren, are all former employees at the ABRJ. We in fact found the Bar’s consistent defenses for the reservation of power in the name of “dispensing justice” to be untenable with the mission of allowing trolls to grow from their wigglerhood indiscretions. We never imagined that we would have the opportunity to defend an actual Alternian, but we are proud to stand by you and Ms. Serket in this way.

I agree with your general strategy of proceeding with those depositions. In addition, I think it would be wise to file for interlocutory appeal on the grounds of Serano’s ruling to keep this in his court rather than remand it to juvenile court, which you raised as an objection in the last memorandum. I’d recommend you have one of the 1L interns take on that task, since you’ve been working tirelessly on this case and could use a break.

Finally, I quite like the colors you’re wearing today, Ms. Pyrope. The electric blue and the more muted cerulean go surprisingly well, and the splashes of red and gray add contrast.

Solgaz Dallit  
Partner at Dallit, Burger, and Warren LLP  
Entykk School of Law, 4975

From: gallowsCalibrator@[DOMAIN NAME OMITTED]

Subject: A hypothesis

To: junebug@weather.world

Time: 18:03:41, 1.15.5008

JUN3,

1 THOUGHT 1 H4D BURN3D 4ND D3L3T3D 4LL OF MY COP13S OF THE 4LT3RN14N CONST1TUT1ON, BUT MULT1PL3 1NST4NC3S OF THE TYP3 OF L4NGU4G3 US3D 4PP34R 1N TH3 UTK CONST1TUT1ON. YOU 4ND VR1SK4 W3R3 TH3 ONLY OTH3RS WHO R34D TH3 4CTU4L T3XTS

JUN3, 4R3 YOU L34K1NG C4NON 4G41N?

From: junebug@weather.world

Subject: RE: A hypothesis

To: gallowsCalibrator@[DOMAIN NAME OMITTED]

Time: 03:47:33, 1.16.5008

oops! yeah i mean sort of. i changed some stuff so that i never dated dirk when i was figuring out being trans gender since he just got mad when i said i was a girl. and some other zaps that i’d rather not talk about with you over email, and when i considered zapping over another june showed up and told me you didn’t want me to be there. so uh, yes and no. sollux (he’s the hacker troll right?) asked me to publish his database. but i promise that other than those ones i logged all of my jumps like you asked me too after that one mishap.

the reason i didn’t log the dirk jump is because i think he would hate the idea that i messed with him like that, and he can see the document too. oh yeah please don’t tell him. also, can i come see you and vriska tonight? i miss her and think you’re gross but i kinda miss you too.

From: gallowsCalibrator@[DOMAIN NAME OMITTED]

Subject: RE: RE: A hypothesis

To: junebug@weather.world

Time: 07:15:16 1.16.5008

MORN1NG JUN3BUG

1 DOUBT 1LL B3 GO1NG HOM3 FOR 4 WH1L3 Y3T, SO PROB4BLY NOT TON1GHT. 1 H4V3 W4Y TOO MUCH TO DO

4LSO, 1 C4NNOT B3L13V3 1 4M JUST NOW L34RN1NG YOU H4D 4 TH1NG WITH D1RK. 1 THOUGHT 1 H4D TH3 WORST T4ST3 1N M3N BUT TH4T T4K3S TH3 BR1GHTLY COLOR3D FROST1NG V3H1CL3

From: l4dyjust1c3@dbw.prv

Subject: 1’M FRUST4T3D

To: dallit@dbwlaw.prv

Time: 10:12:39, 1.16.5008

1 4M G3TT1NG V3RY FRUSTR4T3D W1TH TH1S C4S3. 1LL B3 F1L1NG TH3 1NT3RLOC 4PP34L TOMORROW

4LSO, 1 H4V3 A V3RY 1MPORT4NT M4TT3R 1 N33D TO D1SCUSS W1TH YOU. 17:30, CONF3R3NC3 ROOM 2

Terezi Pyrope  
Certified 3L at Dallit, Burger, and Warren LLP  
Mayorale Law 5008

From: l4dyjust1c3@dbw.prv

Subject: Quick meetup again

To: dallit@dbwlaw.prv

Time: 19:00:37, 1.16.5008

I really need to have another meeting with you. I regret what I said earlier and want to make it up somehow. Your office light is still on. Do you mind if I come by?

Terezi Pyrope  
Certified 3L at Dallit, Burger, and Warren LLP  
Mayorale Law 5008

From: dallit@dbwlaw.prv

Subject: RE: Quick meetup again

To: l4dyjust1c3@dbw.prv

Time: 19:05:42, 1.16.5008

Sure.

Solgaz Dallit  
Partner at Dallit, Burger, and Warren LLP  
Entykk School of Law, 4975

From: dallit@dbwlaw.prv

Subject: A quick explanation

To: l4dyjust1c3@dbw.prv, gallowsCalibrator@[DOMAIN NAME OMITTED]

Time: 19:46:40, 1.16.5008

Firstly, I would like to thank you for your apology.

Secondly, I should have anticipated how barring you from testimony would make you feel.

But please understand that you would be immediately required to recuse yourself from the case. Even after that, there’s still the chance that it would be ruled a mistrial, since you’ve previously served as her advocate, to speak only of the more optimistic outcome. You serving as her advocate is a blessing because you cannot be compelled to testify. If you submitted an affidavit verifying any of the information in Ms. Serket’s testimony as a fact witness, then opposing counsel could compel your testimony about various actions. While the information we know about your history with Ms. Serket in the “alternate timeline” is privileged now, if you were to submit an affidavit, it would not be, and that would be indescribably bad for her chances of acquittal.

I, too, have objections with some of the conduct of this prosecution so far. I have already filed a motion for sanctions as of yesterday, by way of explanation for why I was “3SS3NT14LLY M1SS1NG”.

I have thirty years of experience as a defense attorney. You are a 3L. It’s important to remember that if you feel that people are judging you more harshly than you feel is fair, it’s because they have forgotten what being a 3L is like. Odzivo’s been working at the ABRJ for nearly 400 years. Eisner’s also ancient, though not quite as. We teals don’t even get to imagine living that long. I feel like an old woman, and I’m only pushing 60.

It’s probably also to do with that you are indeed the Lady Justice Pyrope. Your name is listed at the top and the bottom of every opinion of the court. From the perspective of those who’ve never met you, this is truly an extraordinary moment. Lady Justice Pyrope, First at the Bar, has graced the court with her presence. And she’s a 3L. You measure your experience in months and not decades because your first motion filed in front of a judge was four months ago.

I am proud to be your mentor, and working with you has been a wigglerhood dream come true. For a multitude of reasons. The reason I vouched for you during recruitment, Terezi, is because during the interview process, you wrote us back 30 minutes after we sent the prompt out with a firestorm of a memorandum. I had no idea who you were except for the candidate who had the most passion for fairness and equity of anyone I’d ever seen. Candidate7@dbw.prv. Because, like the Lady Justice herself, job recruitment at DBW is blind.

Finally, please take tomorrow, and this weekend, off to get some rest. Everyone here can tell you haven’t slept right this week.

Solgaz Dallit  
Partner at Dallit, Burger, and Warren LLP  
Entykk School of Law, 4975

From: gallowsCalibrator@[DOMAIN NAME OMITTED]

Subject: RE: A quick explanation

To: dallit@dbwlaw.prv

Time: 23:20:06, 1.16.5008

OK4Y 1 TRUST YOU

1’LL S33 YOU MOND4Y

PL34S3 3M41L M3 UPD4T3S, 4ND VR1SK4 UPD8S

T3R3Z1

From: gallowsCalibrator@[DOMAIN NAME OMITTED]

Subject: RE: A quick explanation

To: dallit@dbwlaw.prv

Time: 23:25:01, 1.16.5008

TH4NKS

From: da@ct.cann.utk

Subject: FYI - New Batch of Discovery Requests

To: dallit@dbwlaw.prt, l4dyjust1c3@dbwlaw.prv

CC: “Clerks”, vodzivo@abrj.utk

Time: 09:03:17, 1.20.5008

Attached:  captor_subpoena_09_finalFINAL.txt (100 KB)  ampora_deporeq_v4.txt (15 KB)  megido_deporeq_v1.txt (15 KB)  nitram.lgslcr (5 MB) 

Ms. Dallit,

We’ll be filing these at 9 tomorrow, or earlier if response permits. Find attached requests for specific documents from the Captor repository and depo/affidavit requests for Mx. Ampora, Ms. Megido, and Mr. Nitram.

Did you have a nice weekend?

Mr. Sergio Eisner, Esquire  
Can Town District Attorney

From: dallit@dbwlaw.prv

Subject: RE: FYI - New Batch of Discovery Requests

To: da@ct.cann.utk

CC: l4dyjust1ce@dbwlaw.prv, vodzivo@abrj.utk

Time: 10:25:00, 1.20.5008

Attached:  mldepo_final.txt (15 KB) 

Mr. Sergio Eisner, Esquire,

I’ll co-sign those depositions if you would ever so kindly co-sign on these.

I’m in communication with both Mr. Captor and his attorney. Mr. Captor is prepared to comply with the subpoena on the condition that, per his email, "s0meone gives me free h0sting and a pat on the (omitting an expletive from his statement in the interest of courtesy) back f0r being the only tr0ll who th0ught ahead and downl0aded anything before 0ur planet broke."

Didn’t have much of one. I would imagine much the same?

Solgaz Dallit  
Partner at Dallit, Burger, and Warren LLP  
Entykk School of Law, 4975

From: da@ct.cann.utk

Subject: RE: RE: FYI - New Batch of Discovery Requests

To: dallit@dbwlaw.prt, l4dyjust1c3@dbwlaw.prv

CC: “Clerks”, vodzivo@abrj.utk

Time: 11:11:11, 1.20.5008

Ms. Dallit,

I wouldn’t say that, I had a rather nice time golfing, and my wife had a nice time lounging in the Oreglorida sun. We took a little vacation starting last Wednesday, and I don't regret it at all.

I’ll co-sign Mrs. and Mrs. Maryam-Lalonde.

Forgive me for sounding stupid, but does Mr. Sollux Captor actually run the Captor Repository?

Mr. Sergio Eisner, Esquire  
Can Town District Attorney


End file.
